New and re-recognized stuff

Every once in a while, I see something that Rose does that gives me a fresh sense of dismay that I didn't recognize what was going on with her earlier in her life. If only I had realized her difficulties earlier, I keep thinking, I could have helped her along over some sticky parts of life, taken steps to make sure her public school experiences were less overwhelming or negative. At least that's what I keep thinking, realistic or not.

She's been a little high-strung the past couple of days, as I've mentioned. Just a little while ago, a piercing shriek alerted me to the fact that she'd found a spider on her pillow. She came running into my room with an expression of complete internal focus, grabbed the edge of my robe as it was laying on the bed, and began rolling the edge of it with her fingers in a ritualistic way while she explained the spider situation. She did not look at me.

That gave me a slight shock. When she was a toddler, she used to rub her fingers along the edges of her blanket in just the same intense way. I just had thought, well, that's how she is, and made sure that she could get her blanket when she needed it. I never thought for a moment that it was some kind of sensory ritual, or rather, I never thought of it as something unusual. So is it, really? How is it unremarkable at two and eye-opening at eight? And further, is it really eye-opening at eight? Do neurotypical eight-year-olds not do this? I suspect not for any number of reasons, but I'm not completely sure.

Rose's grandmother keeps asking if Rose is "getting worse," because to her, it seems that's so. I keep trying to explain that it just appears to be that way since behaviors that were OK for a young kid aren't for an older one. I keep finding situations or behaviors like this one where she has not essentially changed since babyhood, and I keep being shocked at their new interpretation in light of her autism.

I do think the toewalking I mention in the last post is new, though. I don't really remember her toewalking at any point in childhood prior to this. Sometimes I really don't know what to think - or what to do, if anything.