Character insight, theory of mind

One of the researchers on ASDs I had read said something about social skills, communication, and theory of mind having a swiss-cheese quality for aspies. Here are a couple of exchanges over the last day or so that I think might illustrate this. I post this because it was helpful to me to read accounts like this when I was first trying to figure out what was going on with Rosie's AS diagnosis.

Yesterday, I was reading The Princess Bride to Rosie. It was a section about the character of Prince Humperdinck; how he loved to hunt and kill things, and how he called his sweet, loving stepmother "E.S." for "Evil Stepmother" because the only stepmothers he knew were the evil ones in fairy tales.

"Huh." said Rose about the stepmother. "He sees her through, he calls her E.S. because he can only... he can see her through his..."

"Experience?" I said.

"Yes," said Rosie.

"Wouldn't his experience tell him that she was really nice?" I asked.

"No, no, not experience then, I mean... he only sees her through himself. He judges her by his own evil."

I was a bit speechless.

"What?" she asked. "You have the expression on your face of being surprised because I said something unexpected."

"Well," I said slowly, "that's an... um... unusually sophisticated insight into his character."

She made the noise that ends up being written "Pshaw!" and said "He's just an evil man, that's all. Come on, keep reading!"

For nine, that's a pretty damn complex analysis. So yeah, I was surprised.

Today, though, she had a meltdown in her writing class because she had not understood the teacher's expectations or instructions, and had been unable to realize that she could or should ask for clarification and help. I was massaging her back to relax her while she told me about it. "Can you scratch my shoulder?" she asked. I skritched at it. "Scratch where it itches!" she exclaimed.

I paused. "Rosie," I said.

"Mm?"

"Rosie, how do I know where it itches? How do I know that?"

She turned her face to me, a complete blank of puzzlement.

"Rosie, I don't know where it itches, because I'm not you. I don't know unless you tell me."

"Oh!" she said in a slightly embarassed tone. "Right. I forgot."

Which tells me that while she usually does remember that another person has a different perspective - and usually I see this play out in very insightful ways - it is definitely something that she has to work to remember.

I do recall that Rosie's older sister did not think this way, but I wish I could remember my own thinking at this age. Or read other examples like this of kids both NT and AS.