Anxieties

I've been concerned about Rose's anxieties, which I'm realizing really impair her day-to-day functioning more than anything else does. Whether it's a bug, or a new game, an automatically-flushing toilet, or some idea she latches onto, these anxieties whip up into nervousness and agitation and then she starts to cry or tic or otherwise panic. Even if the initial trigger appears to settle down, she's already in a state where she cannot concentrate - every noise, every sensation gets blown out of balance - and everything distracts her.

It gives me some insight into why she's done much better being homeschooled. What concerns me about that, though, is knowing that she probably isn't getting enough exposure to situations that enable her to practice functioning despite her anxiety. Right now, school is far too much; homeschool is probably too little. Where can I find a medium, without currently being able to afford insurance and therapy? This is a real dilemma.

I recently have been hearing from parents who either do or do not medicate their kids on the spectrum for anxiety. The idea of medicating her makes me panic. How, again, will she learn to cope with her own emotions, even a little bit, if she's medicated? How will she be able to use the powerful creativity she has, if her brain is dulled? What are the long-term effects of this kind of medication on kids' development? It makes me ill to contemplate it.

Parents I hear from say that kids have to want to learn to deal with their anxieties for cognitive therapy to work. I'm not sure she has that kind of insight yet, but if she doesn't, she's close. We've been trying to work to objectify and control "worries" but this doesn't work during an episode. She does not want to breathe, or count, or visualize stuffing worries in a box.

And, though I dislike myself for saying it, it is getting increasingly difficult for me to cope with her anxiety attacks. Her reactions appear to be perfect triggers for me to get agitated - which, intellectually, I know is a normal response for everyone, but it makes it very difficult to help her if I'm agitated. My ability to respond calmly depends almost entirely on my own anxiety level and hormone cycle. I think I need to find some assistance in finding ways to help her, somewhere, somehow.