Today, Rose and I went to the county fair. What a blast! But entirely a hairy experience - crowded, noisy, overstimulating, full of unpredictability both good and bad. Rosie was having a ton of fun but was also pretty agitated. She kept darting in different directions in the crowd and could not hear me at all. If I put a hand on her to guide her, she flinched or skittered away because her senses were so keyed up it felt like I was clawing her. She's gotten too big to hold her hand, partly because I can hardly hold her - she's too strong.
It was getting pretty grim, but I spotted a set of dog tags in an engraving stall and wondered - why on earth hadn't we done this before? I had them put the usual name and number on it, then on the bottom line, "PANIC ATTACKS / AUTISM" should she find herself lost and freaky and incoherent.
She seems a little embarrassed but also relieved, saying they were like a safety net. Now I feel guilty and unsure. Was I right to put "autism" rather than "asperger's" so that emergency personnel would treat her according to a - hopefully - more familiar protocol if she was having the screaming heebie-jeebies? She does seem OK about it - but I worry about the more subtle effect of what I've done. Did I just hand my otherwise articulate and capable kid a big metal "incapable" label?
oh, augh.
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