All too familiar...

I had to laugh, the last couple of days, over yet another new realization about how strong family traits can be. I've always had a bit of difficulty in social situations, but generally plow through OK once I brace myself. But I've been realizing that maybe my difficulty is a bit specific - maybe related to that shadow spectrum in the family.

Yesterday, I had a project kickoff meeting with a new project team, and I pulled a communication mistake I remember having made in the past many times - the vague self-introduction that leaves out my relevant background and anything else anybody might want to know about me, and includes at least one unintentionally cryptic reference that leaves puzzled looks on people's faces. I realized halfway around the introductions that I'd done it again, and tried to mend it once I got a chance. The rest of the meeting, I kept getting odd enough looks from the others that I knew something wasn't coming out right. I don't actually know what, though. It was a sort of a smut-on-my-nose, is-my-underwear-showing kind of feeling, but I think it was something about what I was saying or how I was saying it. I tried to make the rest of my comments extremely to the point, which took a little mental practicing.

And today, my older daughter was asking me to go on a short group trip with her, and cautiously asked, "Lot of new people to meet and talk to... are you OK with that?" I was a bit taken aback until I realized that she must actually have a reason for asking me in that way: I guess I avoid meeting new people. I don't think of myself as particularly avoiding people - I mean, I do presentations, I run meetings, I join groups, I have friends over - but heck... I guess I also avoid crowds, new people I haven't approached myself, and making phone calls. (For that matter, upon reflecting, I guess I have trouble with greetings and goodbyes, too - they make me tense enough so that I often avoid them. Including hiding when I recognize someone in public I would need to greet. Which I know is rude, but sometimes I'm too wiggy.)

Well, there's a training I'll be attending on how to do social skills training. I'd better not miss that, hehe.